“Remember to smile, honey.”

“You are going to win!” 

“Don’t disappoint mommy.”

You may have heard these words spoken to children during sports competitions

or, more specifically, beauty pageants. 

While some may call it friendly competition -

others are asking …

“Are you pushing your child too far?”

Here are examples of how putting too much pressure on your children can do more harm than good …
“Whenever I take Melissa to her dance class, she screams and cries all the way there. I have to struggle just to get her inside the room. She goes off into a tantrum and refuses to participate.” 

“What happened, Billy, why did you drop the ball? It was an easy grounder; what’s wrong with you? From now on, you are going to practice every day after school!” 

Why are parents putting so much pressure on children?

In Melissa’s case, her mom probably wanted to be a dancer and missed her chance. 

In Billy’s case, his dad sees his son’s inability to perform as an embarrassment or an affront against him. 

Parents who push their children too far do so for their own selfish reasons. Instead of encouraging a child to excel in a sport or recreation they are particularly good at; some parents choose for them, and because the child wants to please – will succumb to the parent’s wishes. 

Certainly it may start out as friendly competition; but when a parent refuses to acknowledge the child may not have the skills or acumen to continue to participate, the line is crossed and the pushing and cajoling begins. Who decided that children must accomplish the impossible before they reach the age of maturity?  Moreover, why is the obvious damage to the child’s psychological state being overlooked?

Competition, in most cases, can be healthy.  It improves a child’s self-esteem and builds confidence. However, when parents push a child to perform that which they are neither capable nor interested; a recipe for disaster ensues. 

Children must be allowed to play and act as children.  It is vital to their emotional and psychological growth.  To relegate them to a higher standard of excellence before they are sufficiently prepared is a recipe for disaster.

First off, football is a full contact sport which causes it to be of concern to some parents. Football is definitely not a sport for every kid, and mostly you’ll only see boys on the field. (Obviously not counting the cheer leaders on the side lines-or the cheering or screaming moms!)

My little brother Brian played football all four years of high school and quite a few of my friends’ kids play as well as my kids’ friends.

Basically, the kids run a lot, have to work as a team, have to use strategy and of course talent doesn’t hurt!

Of course when they’re younger you just pay the fees and buy the equipment and they will be assigned to a team. As they get older, they will have to actually try out for the team. That means, they will have to be serious about the sport, be dedicated and constantly improve their skills.

If the child is extremely talented and plays exceptionally well in high school, they can be recruited for colleges-and even get their education paid for by their athletic skills. Either way, responsibility, dedication, teamwork, and social skills are great things that come along with the sport.

My boys go back and forth on rather they want to play or not in an organized setting. Probably because I tell them how expensive it is (especially the first year-there’s the registration, uniform, pads, cleats, a cup, etc.) and if I sign them up they had better be serious about playing. (We still play with them at the park or in the backyard…but its just playing around as a family.)

Like most kids their ages (Lamont’s 10 and Mel’s almost 12) they have dreams of becoming professional athletes. What’s not to love…the fame, fortune, and of course “playing” your favorite sport is what you get paid to do-your “job”!

Now, most adults realize there is quite a bit more to it than that. However the kids don’t realize it. I am fortunate in the sense that my boys don’t really idolize professional athletes or actors or musicians.

They look up to their dad as their role-model. When he walks in their little brown eyes light up. When they get words of encouragement or a pat on the back from him, their smiles are never brighter.

It’s okay to let our kids see the celebrities for what they are-real humans that make mistakes. Unless you’ve been living under a rock recently, you’ve more than likely heard about Michael Vick (a quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons NFL team).

If not, I’ll clue you in-in a nut shell. He’s been indicted on some serious federal felony charges having to do with an underground dog fighting ring; including allegations of inhumanely murdering “weaker” dogs and promoting gambling at these dog fights.

Mel and Lamont know who he is and what he is accused of. (At this point, what he has done.) They just shake their heads and say that’s real sad for those poor dogs.  I’m thankful that my kids don’t worship him…

A few years ago I had to take the Kobe Bryant jerseys and put them up because we didn’t know what was going on and I’d rather my kids see that they really are human too. We watched the news coverage together. They were just disappointed. Kind of like now.

I guess my point is that no matter what your parenting style is (yes, we’re all different) be mindful of who your kids look up to. Make sure you explain that those “stars” are human and will make mistakes as well.

Most importantly, be your childs role model yourself. Make them proud. Let them know that you are proud of them. Praise all of their accomplishments. Rather you spend all day with your kids or only a couple of hours…make that time count. Quality, not quantity is what matters the most and what they will remember the most.

Until next time,

Amy

Organized sports can teach our children so much about life in general and we tend to over-look that. Think about how sports may promote positive experiences for the child in your life.

Playing sports teach us to interact with others. They teach us to win and to lose-graciously. As an adult we deal with these things daily-we have to deal with people all day long in almost any lifestyle. Some of these people we like, some we dislike, and some we are indifferent to.

No matter what though, we have to interact with certain people. (The cashier at the grocery store, the waitress, the gas station clerk, etc.) So why not teach your child early on that we have to deal with people of all personalities-even those we don’t wish to associate with.

Sports also teach us what it is to win or lose. At least most sports do (I know some claim to not keep score anymore). It’s important to learn how to lose at an early age…and just as important to learn how to win.

It says a lot about a person how they react to winning or losing. You have to come away from every experience with new-found knowledge and respect…What did I do that helped me win? What could I have done better? That person/team was great at (insert whatever it was here) and I’d like to be able to do that.

Learn from losing just as you’d learn from winning. Of course that’s not the only thing that a child gets out of organized sports.

It’s healthy to play sports. You get exercise and sometimes fresh air. It’s usually great for family time as well since the parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and siblings can all enjoy each others’ company while watching the child play.

There are so many sports to choose from…baseball, softball, basketball, hockey, football, soccer, track and field, dance, swimming, and the list goes on. If organized sports don’t work out for your family you could always try some sort of martial art class or dance class.

You can look up your local community center or parks and recreation center for classes and sports or just keep your eyes open for flyer’s or info about a month before the “seasons” start. (You can always do a search on the web as well-Little League is an option almost anywhere.)

Until Next Time,

Amy